Larry Craig to the rescue! The Idaho Senator has heard the May Day mayday cries of the long-wronged multinational oil firms who now have to pay taxes in Venezuela or something, and totally demands action. And by “demands action,” we are not talking about anal sex, because he’s not gay, ok?
Anyway, Senator Craig (pictured above with cowboy friend) has a plan to wean America off foreign oil, particularly the oil from “leaders such as Hugo Chavez…who loathe all that America stands for.” And he’s written it all up in a format suitable for publication in Idaho’s eighth largest newspaper.
Larry’s piece (we’re referring here to his editorial, not his "piece",) is filled with all kinds of well-researched tidbits. For instance, did you know that Chavez opposes “our ideals and our way of life”? Or that “his goal is to hobble the United States”? Or that the super-straight Senator could go on all day “venting about the hypocrisy of Chavez and other anti-capitalists fueling their regimes with the very same private investment and profit they rail against”? Me neither.
Clearly, Senator Craig is no hypocrite, so it’s a really good thing he’s not a closet case who enjoys anonymous gay sex in the bathrooms of Washington’s Union Station. The very notion is impossible, because he’s a married conservative Republican who is inordinately opposed to gay civil rights. And he comes from a cowboy state. And cowboys are never gay. Or hypocritical. So he’s not. Stop bugging him about it and pay attention to Venezuela.
