If you can’t say something nice, go sit by Simon Romero. The New York Times’ crack Margaritaville correspondent is bitchiness-made-flesh today as he’s dragged from the nurturing womb of his well-staffed Caracas pied-à-terre to cover the great state visit from le Sean Penn. It’s Dorothy Parker without all that pesky “wit.”
Romero, best known for cribbing his stories from wire services, is understandably miffed to have to miss his bath and telenovelas, but the Venezuelans arranged the details of his trip, so he sort of had no excuse to skip it. The righteous bitterness of the unjustly inconvenienced literally (in the sense of “figuratively”) wafts from the page.
You can read the entire stereotype-reinforcing meow-mix, or just follow our paragraph-by-paragraph Cliff notes after the jump!
“Sean Penn Visited Venezuela, and My Editor Forced Me To Cover the Whole Thing” by Simon Romero (***Paragraph Summary by BoRev.Net).
· Paragraph 1: Chavez is paranoid.
· Paragraph 2: Chavez is crazy.
· Paragraph 3: Hollywood dingbats and foreign “intellectuals” fawn over Chavez, of course.
· Paragraph 4: Chavez is a vain opportunist “smarting from international condemnation.”
· Paragraph 5: Chavez is anti-American.
· Paragraph 6: Chavez is a propagandist.
· Paragraph 7: Chavez can’t keep his damn yap shut, always going on about “history” and such.
· Paragraph 8: Chavez is Anti-American and a propagandist.
· Paragraph 9: Chavez fantasizes about America’s death
· Paragraph 10: Chavez wants to help America die
· Paragraph 11: Chavez fawns over Hollywood celebrities
· Paragraph 12: Chavez is a control freak
· Paragraph 13: Chavez is vain
· Paragraph 14: Sean Penn whips out his cock! (Note to the cheering cameramen who “got shots” of it: BoRevNet at Gmail dot Com. For the readers).
· Paragraph 15: Sean Penn is secretly scared to really say what he thinks about Venezuela because he’s being “chaperoned”
· Paragraph 16: Sean Penn is shy and reticent when he’s not flashing his dick to reporters and cameramen
· Paragraph 17: Penn is not reticent, he’s just planning to sell the story, Fucking greedy Hollywood opportunist nudey piss fetishist!
· Paragraph 18: See paragraph 17
· Paragraph 19: Sean Penn may seem deep; but he’s actually a faker and a smoker. And a cock whipper-outer.
· Paragraph 20: Real actors, unnamed-but-we-know-who-they-are Venezuelan actors, hate Chavez.
· Paragraph 21: Chavez doesn’t care about the safety of his entourage. And he’s a retard.
· Paragraph 22: Chavez is totally under the thumb of Cuba while tightening his grip on tiny, helpless African nations. And Belgium.
· Paragraph 23: Chavez is unpopular, so he sucks up to celbs who shamelessly bare it all in public. THE END.
