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Who Could Possibly Question the Word of Guido Antonini?

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As everybody knows, BoRev.Net is a sensitive new age blog, so we’re asking our more juvenile readers to keep their snorts to themselves, pls, when we note that recent “probes” into Cristina Fernandez’s “campaign finances” just…smell a little fishy. Well, then…

You may have heard that U.S. attorneys are investigating whether Venezuela gave money to the campaign of Argentina’s humpy new president. “Wait,” you say, “Why would taxpayer-funded American investigators possibly care, considering that this involves two countries that are not the United States?” Because, dear reader, the U.S. is always concerned that elections worldwide remain free from undo influence from outside governments. Haha kidding. No actually there’s a way for them to get ding in at Hugo Chavez here, somewhere. Of course you’ve gotta dig deep to find it. Fortunately, though, we’re working with American journalists who are used to digging deep for the story behind the story. Kidding again! Basically they had a U.S. attorney lay out a convoluted conspiracy theory and then sent it out to reporters to write up. Sadly : (, there are about a million holes in the story. Here are a few that immediately spring to mind:


1. The whole conspiracy hinges on the notion that the Venezuelan government needed to get $800,000 from Caracas to Buenos Aires stat, so naturally they called an American mafioso (named Guido!) in Florida and asked him to fly to Caracas, stuff a suitcase with cash, and hand deliver it to Argentina because, in this reality, nobody in Venezuela was up to the job, wire transfers don’t exist, and apparently Peter Sellers was busy.

2. Eight hundred thousand dollars, which wouldn’t influence a regional election in Burkina Faso, is apparently enough to swing the presidency of Argen-fawking-tina.

3. Guido himself is not actually charged in any of this. In fact, he sought haven in the United States as soon as it was discovered and, of course, immediately “turned” state’s witness.

4. The people who are being charged in all this were never involved in the alleged deal to begin with. While the implication is that they pressured Guido to cover up the…crime?…they aren’t implicated in any obstruction or conspiracy or anything. Their charge is “failing to register as an agent of a foreign government.”

5. Cristina Fernandez could’ve easily been like, “Look, motherfuckers, I didn’t know about any of this.” Instead, she was all “imperialist bitch, please.” Which makes her even hotter.

Of course, the English language press has missed a couple of the nuances of the case. The Financial Times reported that the four “agents” were arrested for trying “to smuggle" the money, and it’ll be fun to keep track of how many additional misconceptions come out of this storyline,which was probably the point of it all to begin with.

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