Lamest. Dictatorship. Ever.
You’ve heard about the iron grip of Hugo Chavez, right? And how the big guy is always going around cracking down on his political opposition just to be a dick? Well it turns out that it’s true sort of! And now it's been proven scientifically with numbers. You see, researchers have been able to carefully track the “economic well being” of 87,000 Venezuelans on both sides of the political divide and arrived at this remarkable conclusion:
“They found that, between 2003 and 2006, ‘signing [against Chávez] cost you 4 percent of your income,’ says Francisco Rodríguez, a Venezuelan economist at Wesleyan University”Four percent! It just sort of hangs in the air there, doesn’t it? Four percent. That’s like 3 fewer cups coffee a month. I mean sure it’s nice that half the country gets to “see a doctor for the first time,” or, like, “learn to read,” but who’s looking out for the poor schmucks who’ve been forced to eat out less often on account of the brutal political repression? Sweet Jesus, at least Idi Amin had the decency to kill you (and eat you!) rather than make you suffer the humiliation of wearing the same cocktail dress to two different Christmas parties.
So thanks, once again, Foreign Policy magazine, for publishing the big issues you won’t find anywhere else. And for the record we totally don’t believe it when they say you’re crazy-biased just because your editor in chief is the Venezuelan who spearheaded the country’s worst economic and human rights disaster in modern history. We know you speaking out for what’s right. We know you’re fighting for that four percent.