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March 2008 Archives

March 2, 2008

BoRev Secrets to Success Vol. I: Everybody Loves an Oil Company!

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When beloved oil giant ExxonMobil is not busy helping marine mammals vastly improve their competitive “viscosity” or drafting policy frameworks for freshly-liberated Arabian colonies, you’ll find its dedicated staff pioneering the frontiers of international regulatory law. And boy these days do the fruits of their efforts really show!

For instance did you know that you can get a court order freezing billions dollars of a country’s assets without ever inviting that country to defend itself in court—or even letting them know your little hearing was taking place? Well you can. The only catch is to be an Oil Company™. If you simply meet that one little criterion, all kinds of new aspects of the law are opened up to you like magic!

You’ve heard of “jurisdiction,” right? Did you know that it’s only for the little people? As an Oil Company™, you can get a court order from a country that has no relationship whatsoever with either you or the target of your extortion dispute! Damages? Sure, the poor schlub down the block may have to settle for “the relative equivalent of the value of their loss,” but an Oil Company™ is entitled to assets far, far beyond the subject of disagreement!

Take it from me, if you want something from somebody else only they won’t give it to you, don’t take the law into your own hands. Take the approach that’s been time tested, from “Teapot Dome” to “Cheney’s Energy Task Force”: Be an oil company. Life can be better.

March 3, 2008

Good God, Ya’ll

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Colombian President Alvaro Uribe is in the habit of taking dramatic actions to undermine his war-torn country’s fragile peace process, but he sort of outdid himself this weekend when he invaded Ecuador. We’ve got the rundown of some FAQs, after the jump…

Continue reading "Good God, Ya’ll" »

Raul Reyes’ Amazing Laptop of Mystery

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Say what you will about the Colombian military, but they sure know how to spend our tax dollars. While the United States can’t manage to avoid zillions of civilian casualties in Iraq, the Colombians have the technology to bomb a foreign country, kill everybody on their target list, and still manage to preserve an enemy laptop. A very special laptop.

You see this laptop belonged to Raul Reyes, the FARC’s now-dead #1 foreign policy guy who had been negotiating hostage releases with Venezuela, France, Switzerland and Spain. Apparently Reyes stored inside it the very evidence to support every harebrained conspiracy theory that the Colombian government would like the world to know about. And they are all true, because the Colombian secret police would never lie.

>>> This afternoon Gen. Oscar Naranjo held a press conference to disclose that the government now had the evidence to announce that Ecuador’s president had ties to the FARC, “including contacts about political proposals and local military commanders.”

>>> In the evening another Naranjo press conference unveiled the fruit of an even deeper search of the laptop where still more FARConia was to be found. This time the ties were with Venezuela, and included a possible 300 million dollar cash money payment, although it remained unclear whether “Venezuela actually delivered this money to the rebels.”

>>> Rubbed again, the laptop turned up correspondence between Hugo Chavez and the FARC going back 16 years. Who knew laptops even lasted that long and/or jungle rebels would upload a decade’s worth of incriminating evidence each time they upgrade their hardware?

>>> Polish the laptop a final time and we learn that the rebels, in their jungle hideaways, were maybe even building nuclear bombs.

In conclusion “Naranjo did not provide details of the payments, or the uranium claim, and none of the documents were made public” The End!

March 4, 2008

Hotel Colombia

Well things are de-escalating nicely! Colombian crazy Alvaro Uribe held a press conference this morning promising to bring a case to the International Criminal Court bringing up Hugo Chavez on charges of … wait for it….genocide

No need to rub your eyes. You didn’t misread that. He’s not claiming violence, or even terrorism, but genocide. And you’re right; this brings up so many disturbing questions, such as “does this guy even know what that word means”? Because the closest thing that Colombia has experienced to a systematic elimination of a group of people has been Uribe’s own little wars against “union members” or “small farmers.” Wouldn’t it be scary/funny if it turned out he was just projecting?

Hey Look, Some People Are Sane After All

>>> Council on Hemispheric Affairs on a ‘Dangerously Ballistic’ Uribe

>>> Richard Gott on the end of the peace process

>>> Carlos Martinez on what’s really destabilizing the region

>>> Robert Naiman on the candidates' reactions

>>> Justin Delacour on South American government reactions

Shocking Developments

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Who could have possibly guessed that Bush would take Uribe’s side in all this? Or that the U.S. “would neither confirm or deny American military participation” in the killings? Or that the dead rebels were in Ecuador in the first place on account of the “very advanced” talks that were about to free “12 hostages, among them Ingrid Betancourt”? Sigh.

March 5, 2008

Demon Computer Claims Everybody is a FARC Collaborator!

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Raul Reyes’ Miracle Laptop inexplicably survived a scorched earth bombing campaign over the weekend, and now humanity must find a new way to destroy it before it implicates us all. ABC News revealed all the terrible, terrible details from the thirteen documents the Colombian government made public last night, and we are all going to rot in The Hague. Details after the jump!

Continue reading "Demon Computer Claims Everybody is a FARC Collaborator!" »

The Laptop's Days are Numbered

So finally at least one government has publicly expressed its skepticism about over the Miracle Laptop and the Colombian interpretation of its contents. Hilariously, that would be the government of the United States. Oh and they want that laptop. But to harness its evil powers, or to strangle it before it reveals more?

March 6, 2008

Uribe Learns that the Internet Makes Everyone's Laptop Magic

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What a relief! Latin America's littlest strongman decided to “revise” his pledge bring Hugo Chavez up on charges of “genocide” and/or “terrorism” before the International Criminal Court. Venezuelan newspapers chalk it up to Uribe’s “democratic spirit,” but it probably had a bit more to do with “lawyers” and “dictionaries” and "a super dubious past."

Anyway it got us thinking: What if the shoe were on the other foot? I mean, sure, back in the day Senator Uribe was considered to be one of the world’s top drug dealers, working for the Medellin cartel and being—how did U.S. intelligence put it?— “a close personal friend of Pablo Escobar.” But that was 1991, this is now, and surely we couldn’t hold a grudge going back to the early 90s (sorry just a little laptop humor!) Haha here at BoRev, we don’t need any miracle computer to tell you what a liberal democracy is made of. We’re kicking it analog after the jump.

Continue reading "Uribe Learns that the Internet Makes Everyone's Laptop Magic" »

March 7, 2008

Last Man Standing Has to Marry Tila Tequila

So now that every Latin American leader has denounced Colombia, Nicaragua’s cut off diplomatic ties and Cristina flew to Caracas to stand against Uribe, they’re all going to be sequestered on the same Caribbean Island for the weekend. Awkward.

BTW It Was All Made Up K Thanx Bye

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Greg Palast has published (and translated) the FARC documents related to the supposed $300 million dollars from Chavez. And he’s determined that they are “fake.” So nice going on this one, international media! The evil laptop wins the round.

New Dead Guy. New Weirdness. New Laptop.

Is David Lynch directing this shit? So it’s been just a few hours since Greg Palast thoroughly obliterated the Colombian government’s “evidence” linking the FARC to Venezuela and Ecuador from the old laptop and all of the sudden a new one shows up. Like magic…

Thursday night, he said, a guerrilla known as Rojas came to the troops with [Colombian guerilla Ivan] Rios' severed right hand, laptop computer and ID, saying he had killed his boss three days earlier.
Um, gross. Also: Is it conceivable that they have this guy's fingerprints on file? Because where I come from, proper ID doesn’t even get you into a bar if its not attached to a body.

It’s Over

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And just in time for the weekend! These two big lugs just can't stay mad at each other. They actually hugged on national television. Puke.

Nothing to see here anymore folks it’s all over. See you in The Hague and don’t forget your laptop(s)!

March 10, 2008

Somewhere In Virginia Colin Powell Is Firing Up His PowerPoint Presentation

So this is the most shameless, unquestioning, jingoistic piece of crap I’ve seen in the Washington Post since the run up to the Iraq war. Naturally it was written by Jackson Diehl, the shameless, unquestioning, jingoistic piece of crap who brought us the run up to the Iraq war.

To summarize: Every name mentioned in the magic laptop is just a code word for Hugo Chavez, which proves he hates us and Terrorism Terrorism Mushroom Cloud 9/11 Bomb Bomb BOMB!

If that sounds familiar it's because it's just a longer, crazier version of the editorial Jackson Diehl wrote for the Washington Post five days earlier, because the Post is committed to diverse voices in that way.

Títulares & Asininity

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>>> New documents released by Colombian military prove irrefutably that Venezuela and Ecuador “conspired for months” on that hostage release thingy that was in the papers then too.

>>> Venezuelans capture U.S. most-wanted Colombian drug lord; might not extradite just to be dicks.

>>> Peace deal between Colombia, Venezuela and Ecuador signed at NYC Juanes concert.

>>> Nobody loves revolutionary Venezuelan governments more than the goddamned Peruvians .


Hot, Throbbing Radio Truthiness

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Did you know that sometimes you can get good information from your radio? Weird, I know, and it helps to live in California. Anyway here is an interview with a sensible young lad about laptops and FARCs that you are sure to learn something from.

March 11, 2008

French Nearly Fried in Ecuador Bombing!

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Sacre bleu! An unnamed French diplomat is claiming that three of Sarkozy’s envoys were in Ecuador and scheduled to meet with FARC leader Raul Reyes the day he was killed. And that they had been on the verge of securing the release of Ingrid Bentancourt along with a dozen other hostages that morning. And that their meeting was set up with the “consent” of the Colombian government. And that the camp was bombed while they were en route to meet Reyes.

So the Colombian government always knew where this camp was, but waited until the French were about to close the deal before they blew it to shit. Classy! The French are going to have carte blanche to be all snotty to the rest of us now.

Will Hillary Denounce and Reject the Miracle Laptop?

In less than one week, noted DC Latin America thinking head Adam Isacson has shifted from being a Magic Laptop Skeptic to a Demon Computer Detractor. It probably helped that the laptop named him as a potential FARC-Democratic Party interlocutor over the weekend. And that it misspelled his name.

This all came out in the new Emails released by the Colombian government Sunday that also implicated Panamanian President Martin Torrijos, Colombian novelist Gabriel Garcia Marquez and, notably, hometown hero Bill Clinton as FARC collaborators in their own right. This is getting better than the McCarthy hearings. Next week: Cher!

Where’s Your Precious Hope Now?

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The laptop is not fooled by your “clean” and “articulate” ways, Barack Hussein Obama. It (and the patriots at Investors Business Daily) know you are a FARC hugging terrorist-probably and will not rest until you are brought before The Hague like everybody else.

March 12, 2008

Colombia? But What Do They Possibly Have That Americans Might Want to Trade them For?

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Our president has been thinking on this long and hard, and he’s decided (Decided!) that as a nation we should be worried about Venezuela and its vaguely possible laptop ties to the FARC. I mean not worried enough that we should scramble to evaluate the evidence or anything, mostly just worried enough to accept a trade deal that will send U.S. jobs to Colombia, where they will be shot.

Wait You’re Not Actually Supposed to Read the Evidence

I know this doesn’t involve $5,500 whores or anything, but you may be interested to know that the good folks at the Center for International Policy continue to review those Magic Laptop documents, and their latest conclusion is that Chavez’s relationship with the FARC was “distant” until last fall. Then it picked up in October when they began to be in regular contact, which oddly coincides with when “President Uribe authorized Chávez to be a facilitator for hostage-for-prisoner exchange talks with the FARC.”

March 13, 2008

I Got Your State Sponsor of Terrorism Right Here

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My take on Latin America’s littlest strongman is posted over at AlterNet.

At Least He Got To Expense It

Poor Simon Romero is always about a day late and 2300 bolivars short. The New York Times’ special correspondent to Caracas’s better neighborhoods recently traveled to Curaçao to have a good New York City-style laugh at the stupid Venezuelan tourists and how they only go there to buy American dollars. Only haha the article came out exactly when his little premise is sort of meaningless, since Venezuela’s currency has moved against the dollar rather dramatically recently. Wait, why didn’t you know this? Because of jackasses like Simon Romero, say financial analysts, and they’d like to let you in on a little secret…

We Got Questions

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Namely:

>>> Did the Bush Administration make Colombia bomb Ecuador?

>>> Was it in retaliation for Ecuador threatening to close a U.S. base?

>>> Is Alvaro Uribe “destined to be Latin America’s most scorned president in modern times”?

>>> Is that Uribe who is terrorizing this small Argentine town?

>>> Are Condi & Cristina the new Paris & Nicole?

The War On Terror Marches On

Remember when Colombia invaded Ecuador and bombed a bunch of people just in time to stop the French diplomats from peace-ing the place up? That was totally patriotic, but now it turns out that four of the dead were college kids from Mexico. Naturally the Colombians are lying about the whole deal and Uribe will probably want to start a war over it and somehow this will be Venezuela’s fault too. Mission Accomplished!

March 16, 2008

There’s Something About Condi

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Long the secret weapon of Bush era diplomacy, Condoleezza Rice charms and confounds her adversaries with a steady barrage of glib non-sequiturs and hilariously transparent fibberoonies. She is brilliant and disturbing to watch, a Kafkaesque Teri Hatcher who reminds us, ultimately, that we are all doomed.

Anyway this week our enigmatic overlady was down in South America pretending that the Bushes hadn’t just pushed the region to the brink of war. Her interview with Brazilian magazine Epoca revives the old debate: is Condi an idiot….or a sociopath? We investigate, after the jump!

Continue reading "There’s Something About Condi" »

March 17, 2008

But It’s Our Back Yard

Say did you notice how those diplomats at the OAS scrambled for hours trying to resolve that Andean Crisis thingy last week but to no avail? But then the next day everything was ok again and everybody was all por favor this and no hay por qué that? Weird! How could things have changed so quickly? What was so gosh darned different between the first meeting and the second? Oh right, the gringos weren’t invited the next day, which is giving some foreigners some uppity ideas.

The Eagle Weeps For Thee, Jim McGovern

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We’re still in a post 9/11 world, forever! And as everyone knows, that means Americans need to watch what they say for all eternity. So what’s a sitting U.S. Congressman to do when he’s got an opinion on Venezuela that would never see print in his homeland? Publish in Latin America of course, because they don’t believe in freedom the way we do.

March 18, 2008

Exxon-Condi Team Up Triggers Galactic Karma Reaction

This morning a judge tossed Exxon Mobile’s $12 billion asset freeze against Venezuela out of court, on the grounds that it was stupid. The U.S. State Department, you may remember, loudly supported Exxon in the case, which was probably the kiss of death for it in the first place.

UPDATE 9:45 am: It's going to cost 'em. “Exxon was ordered to make an interim payment of 380,000 pounds to cover legal costs within 21 days, although the final bill is expected to be much higher.” Heh.

UPDATE 11:30 am: The judge just released a preliminary statement of findings and hey guess what? Exxon basically had no business trying it in the U.K. to begin with, like we sorta noted two weeks ago. Oh and “Exxon said that it won't appeal the ruling.” Zing.

Colombia: Where You're Free to Assemble So Long As You Don't Mind Being Hunted Down And Killed Later

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With all this talk of the FARC in the papers lately you may have forgotten that Colombia’s right wing paramilitaries are also listed as a terrorist organization by the United States. Well maybe “forgotten” is not the right word and “told they no longer exist” may be more accurate, considering that today our dumbass president told Americans, again, that the paramilitaries had “demobilized,” which is to say they “changed their name to get off that list.”

Anyway two weeks ago a million people marched in Bogota and around the world to protest all those poor fuckers who’ve been killed by the Colombian government and those nonexistent paramilitaries. A million people. Naturally you didn’t read about it in the U.S. because nobody covered it, even though the marchers came up with the best chant ever uttered by a human being ever: “Uribe, Gonorrea - La Gente esta con Correa!” Nicely put.

Sadly our patriotic press corps also didn’t cover the follow-up part where march organizers got murdered one by one, which prompted a stern finger wagging (in Spanish) by the United Nations and not much else because we’ve got a trade deal to pass or else socialized health care will win.

March 19, 2008

OAS Shocker: John Negroponte is Petty

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Death squad collaborator? Sure. War criminal? You bet. But did you know that John Negroponte is also sort of a dick? It’s true…

Early Tuesday morning, after 14 hours of discussion, the thirty-four member countries of the Organization of American States smacked Colombia down hard, rejecting its invasion of Ecuador as a "clear violation" of the OAS charter. Even Colombia voted in favor the resolution, literally rejecting itself as a state sponsor of assholery.

But then the next morning Negroponte, who apparently had slipped out the night before and left the voting to some deputy, issued a declaration expressing the United States' grave "reservations" over the resolution, which, again, it had voted for a few hours earlier. The protest doesn't actually change anything, it was just meant to be dumb little dig at the concepts of "peace" and "regional reconciliation." Meanwhile Colombia, the target of the resolution, expressed no such reservations, but then the Colombians probably weren't the ones who came up with the idea to bomb Ecuador in the first place.

March 21, 2008

Reading the Fine Print

>>> OMG Polls Show Chavez’ support is plummeting! (“It was unclear who paid for the poll, or how the questionnaire was structured.”)

>>> Oh no “Queen” Cristina is off to a terrible, terrible start! (With the Bush Administration).

>>> Hey wow my “studmuffin” “just got lucky.”

Experts Scour Foreign Affairs Piece for Truth; Find only Cynicism, Doom

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Karl Rove built a successful career based on his deep understanding of the human condition, mostly the understanding that people are gullible morons. Attack the Strength™ was the strategy that made America proud again with winning catchphrases like “Swiftboating,” “non-covert agents,” and “John McCain’s illegitimate black babies.” While the U.S. electorate has tragically moved on to the next big fads like Hope and Experience, other corners of the world continue to rock the ’04 idiom.

Which brings us to Francisco Rodriguez, the first member of the Venezuelans abroad committee to seriously pursue the theory that the life of a poor Venezuelan is actually worse today than before Chavez. It’s a ballsy thesis, considering that the case against it is not only intuitive but also sort of empirically obvious to anyone who has ever visited the country (Attack the Strength!) Fortunately for Rodriguez, virtually nobody in the US media has ever been or plans to go to Venezuela to look into it.

So! Rodriguez gets to feed his little thesis to Foreign Affairs, which then gets digested by The Economist, and then excreted out again through quasi-respectable internet outlets.

Of course his entire premise is not just politically biased but also demonstrably false, which is why today an independent analysis carves his study up like Easter Tofurkey. As it turns out Rodriguez is guilty of a number of methodological violations like cherry picking some data points, making up others, and conducting studies that are “not robust.” Ahem. You can read the whole takedown for yourself.

So will history be corrected? Probably not. Rove and Rodriguez both know that rumors are a lot like McCain’s adopted kids and Easter Tofurkey: they exist, so it doesn’t really matter where they came from in the first place.

March 24, 2008

If the Laptops Don’t Fit, You Must Acquit

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As Latin America editor for the Miami Herald, Andres Oppenheimer is one of the world’s most powerful men. I mean at least that what he says about himself on his web bio, which means he’s also kind of a douche, which you already knew if you read his stuff.

Anyway nobody is more psyched about this whole miracle laptop deal than Oppenheimer, and he has written about it approximately constantly since that fateful day earlier this month when the Colombians invaded Ecuador to shoot the Mexicans.

This week Opie goes all Johnny Cochran on us with the argument that Chavez and Correa are proven terrorists if it turns out that the laptops in Colombian custody were ever actually owned by FARC rebels. This argument is sort of bullshit, of course, since the debate is less about the authenticity of the laptops and more about whether the files say what the Colombian government says they say. And analysts say they don’t. To recap:

>>> Colombia says that Venezuela wanted to send $300 Million to the FARC. The laptop evidence says that they wanted to send a “dossier.”

>>> Colombia says that “Angel” is a code word for Chavez. The laptop evidence refers to “Chavez” when they are talking about Chavez.

>>> Colombia says that Chavez had a special relationship with the FARC. The laptop says so did Bill Clinton, Jim McGovern, and Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

>>> And Obama.

But Oppenheimer knows all this. He’s not interested in a discussion of the laptop docs and what they mean. He’s interested in pushing the gloves must fit storyline to the other journalists who are only casually following the story. And it will probably work too, considering that they are lazy and stupid and he seems so powerful on his website.

You Don’t Say...

Colombia now admits that the United States told them to shared intelligence that led them to bomb Ecuador and kill all the Mexican college kids terrorists.

Seriously Did They Kill Any FARC?

Ok so far we know that the Colombians managed to bomb the dude who was negotiating with the French, three Mexican college students, and now “a missing Ecuadorean locksmith.”

March 25, 2008

Alan Garcia Would Like a Little Attention

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While Colombia has managed to parlay a horrific civil war into a no-questions-asked 500 zillion dollar gringo cash pipeline, right-wing Peruvian President Alan Garcia can barely manage enough face time with Condi to get a dumb trade deal passed. But things are going to change now because he's got a plan.

Sure it may look like Peru is at a distinct disadvantage here—they did, after all, kill off most of their own leftists back in the '80s—but that doesn't mean that Garcia's political relevance has to rot away at the bottom of some Ayacucho ravine, too. There's no end to the Red Scares you can find when you put your mind to it:

>>> Take the health clinics. It turns out that Peru is home to dozens of anti-poverty centers funded by the Venezuelan government that provide all manner of medical treatment for poor people. So naturally Garcia is backing a congressional investigation into the clinics' bank and phone records to show that they totally represent a terrorist threat to the nation.

>>> Also embassies. Don’t get him started about the new one Venezuela is building in neighboring Bolivia, which he believes is maybe going to be a citadel of Bolshevik expansionism where Chavez will “coordinate Venezuela's joint operations in the region with its leftist allies Cuba and Nicaragua."

>>> Oh and some Peruvian drug dealer killed a cop yesterday which means that the dreaded Shining Path is resurgent probably and must be stopped!

There you have it folks: terrorists, Venezuelans and free pap smears all in one country. Can Plan Peru be far behind? Just a few billion dollars annually might turn Peru into America’s newest favorite blood drenched war zone in the region. Alan Garcia’s dreams are THIS BIG.

March 26, 2008

Factors to Consider When Planning a Conference

So the Inter-American Press Association is holding their annual meeting this weekend to discuss the “regressions of press freedom” in left-leaning LatAm countries. Oh did I mention it will be held in Caracas? Because if it was in, say, Colombia or Mexico, authorities would shoot the attendees, set them on fire, dress them up as leftist rebels, and call it progress in the War on Terror.

Department of Nobody Knows How to Spell Anything Anymore

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The ding dongs at America’s finest libertarian think tank are so into non-regulated markets that they actually want to extend their stupid trade agreements to universities, now. Find out more about their “Columbia” campaign on April 11th if you’re not already out on the streets with these ding dongs.

Holy Crap Colombia Maybe Didn’t Bomb Ecuador After All!

IPS News interviewed “A high-level Ecuadorian military officer,” who says that we did it:

The military officer said the bombing raid in Ecuadorian air space was actually led by "U.S. pilots, possibly from DynCorp," a U.S.-based private military contractor that has contracts under Plan Colombia.

March 27, 2008

LA Times Blog Proves That Blogs Are Dumb

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Pampered, arrogant Old Media “journalists” think that blogs are only good for slinging lowbrow gossip and snarky commentary free from the burdens of fact checkers, editors, and professional standards. Wait, aren’t they? Anyway the Latin America correspondents for the LA Times have their own blog now, and the results are about what you’d expect.

Seriously, take a look at reporter Chris Kraul's Monday blog post on the magic laptop allegations and then read his newspaper story on the same subject today. Can you spot the difference? Right, yeah, in the blog, Kraul manages to pass on all the funniest speculation about the laptop docs from the Latin American tabloids but in the article he sprinkles in a few paragraphs like this one:

There has been no independent analysis of the laptops or their contents, and some analysts have cautioned that information described as being taken from them could be part of a government-sponsored disinformation program to discredit Ecuador and Venezuela.
Haha you think? In other words “by the way what you just read is probably bullshit.” My point is you’re always better off being a blogger. Or throwing your computer out the window and developing a personal relationship with drugs.

You’ll Totally Be in Trouble if America Ever Finds Out

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So just about every single human rights group in the U.S. sent a joint letter to the Colombian President yesterday basically telling him to stop condoning the assassination of peaceful opposition march organizers, please. This is awesome news because it basically ensures that the English language press can’t ignore the threats and murders anymore! And it’s working too because the Associated Press wrote the story up! And it’s already been picked up! In the International Herald Tribune! So if you want to read about it all you have to do is run down to your corner newsstand France!

March 28, 2008

First Draft of History Needs an Edit

Yesterday Venezuela’s state oil company, PdVSA, released its 2007 figures. Finance blog Inca Kola News has already gone through the data and made funny predictions of how the English language press corps will get the story wrong. So basically the leftists and the capitalists know how it works now and it’s pretty much just the journalists screwing it all up.

Don’t Be Fooled By The Rocks That I Got

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Every year the U.S. sends upwards of 600 million dollars to the Colombian military and you will be pleased to hear that they are spending it very economically. Other foreign governments might waste your hard earned cash on expensive new technologies to deal with the “potential future guerilla” threat, but Alvaro Uribe's lean and mean armed forces are pretty much just hacking up small children with machetes.

And naturally they're lying about it: "The government as recently as last year suggested the massacre was the work of Colombia's biggest left-wing rebel group, known as the FARC."

March 30, 2008

‘Magic Laptop’ is Actually More of an Illusionist

Part of the magic of the Magic Laptop is that it seems to be revealing more and more new information every day. But like with any dumb card trick you’re not really seeing the whole thing, like the part where “unidentified Colombian authorities” hold back most of the documents from the public and short select the ones they want you to read. And where they hand-pick who they release them to.

Rhetorical question: If you wanted to slow-leak de-contextualized documents on a large-ish scale but didn’t want any pesky analysis, who would you leak them too? Haha let’s see what Simon Romero has to say about them after the jump!

Continue reading "‘Magic Laptop’ is Actually More of an Illusionist" »

Rumors and Stereotypes

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>>> Give a Cuban a little capitalism and he gets greedy.

>>> We never had no race problems here in Venezuela til them colored folks started stirring up trouble.

>>> US to stop sending money to Miami Cuba groups because they’ll just steal it.

>>> When Chavez joked that the laptop would link him to al-Qaeda next it shows that he is linked to al-Qaeda. Or Iran.

>>> Two things lazy Colombian unionists hate are big trade deals and being assassinated.

Colombia Valiantly Fights Both Sides of Terror War

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The Post reports that under President Uribe, Colombia’s armed forces have kidnapped nearly 1,000 poor Colombians, killed them and dressed the corpses in guerrilla fatigues to show the U.S. the progress they are making against terrorism.

March 31, 2008

The People Would Never Fall For That! Nevermind.

So first Uribe is groping everyone to end the Andean Crisis and then re-instigating tensions a week later. He demands that Ecuador better police their shared border and then intercepts their helicopters when they do. Is this guy schizo or is he deliberately provoking an international catastrophe? Well duh both probably, BUT WHY?

Oh right:

The bespectacled Wall Street favorite shocked supporters and opponents alike by telling members of Congress in a private meeting late on Wednesday that he would be open to a third campaign if there was a "catastrophe."
Yeah that would mean amending the constitution, again, to allow him to run for Dictator For Life “another term.” And if the results from his exploratory committee are any indication, he’ll win on account of this never-ending catastrophe has the people all lining up behind him. Seriously are Karl Rove and Mark Penn running his campaign?

There Once Was a Twat From Caracas

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Oh Jesus do you remember this Thor person? The impossibly wealthy Norwego-Venezuelan socialite/”human rights activist” crusading against Chavez and the environment and women’s studies programs? Anyway he’s working for Fox News now of course and has all sorts of stupid bullshit to say about Sean Penn and Venezuela from the time they were hanging backstage on Oscar night. Me, I would have just rolled my eyes and puked a little in the back of my throat when I read it but a better blogger has written a nice limerick about the whole thing so there you go.

Compelling Arguments

The Washington Post editorial board usually stays so busy telling the rest of the world what to do that you can forgive them for not keeping up with reading the Washington Post, which is sort of a crap paper to begin with.

Anyway you may remember that way back in YESTERDAY Juan Forero reported a crazy story about how all the poorest Colombians are being murdered by the government and dressed up as terrorists in order to impress the Bush Administration. And then today the Post ed board urges Congress to pass a trade deal with Colombia as a reward for “improving its human rights record and resisting the anti-American populism of Venezuela's Hugo Chavez.”

Also don’t miss the argument that there’s been some sort of “dramatic drop” in state sponsored killing and that the systematic assassination of trade unionists is a “bogus” issue because everybody else in Colombia is being murdered harder.

About March 2008

This page contains all entries posted to BoRev.Net in March 2008. They are listed from oldest to newest.

February 2008 is the previous archive.

April 2008 is the next archive.

Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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