How are you preparing for the results of the Magic Laptop diagnostic due out later this week? If you are one of the busy beavers in the Bush Administration, you’re probably already ahead of the game by moving an entire fleet of warships into the region, armed with bombs, missiles, and plenty of heart! Agence France Presse tracked down three of Washington’s douchiest commentators for their analysis, but which one is the most contemptible? We investigate, after the jump.
>>> National War College Professor Frank Mora is a vision of equivocation. You see, on the one hand, "The United States' obsession with Venezuela, Cuba and other things indicates they are going to use more military force, going to use that instrument more often," and yet on the other, perhaps "this is not about the United States trying to use this military instrument to invade or coerce any country, but to actually work together with other countries to deal with common threats and challenges."
So the fleet of armed warships is down there to either help the region cooperate...or to blow it up. Thanks, Professor Mora! That’s what makes you a trusted D.C. expert.
>>> Retired Army Colonel Jay Cope wants you to stop worrying and love the nuclear aircraft carrier: "This doesn't have to be seen as some kind of deterrence, or as threatening things for countries. That's not the intent…We have got to compete with other countries of this world for our relationships with the countries of this hemisphere."
Well played, Col. Cope! Extra douche points for framing it in market terminology. Don’t think of it as us threatening your little country, it’s just the invisible hand at work!
>>> Peter Hakim of the Inter-American Monologue Dialogue wonders aloud why the U.S. hasn’t been doing more of this sort of crap in recent years: "Is it because the US now recognizes Latin America is more mature, that it can deal with its problems on its own, and that it's giving it space to do so? Or is it that basically that the US doesn't care right now, it just doesn't feel threatened by all this? It's impossible to know at this point."
Oh, bravo, Peter Hakim. Not only do you compare an entire continent to a pubescent child, but you end wrap it up with a “who knows?” clause guaranteed to insulate you from future accountability. Truly a masterwork of arrogance and idiocy.
Wait, we can play this game, too: All three analyst demonstrate nauseating levels of cock-eyed ignorance laced with unwavering trust in the current administration, two hallmarks of beltway bloviation in its purist form. So are they all equally contemptible? It’s impossible to know at this point.
