Woo doggies these Fox News types sure have a way with the words. In fact this endless essay thingy by "analyst" Mike Baker has roughly two million words about Latin America, and how we are "losing it" to Russia and China. What is unclear is whether the words ever come together to form actual concepts, or if it is just a never-ending string of terrible, terrible similes. Where to begin? Pack your Ritalin and join us after the jump, but I'm warning you now, it will not be pleasant at all.
We start off, simply enough, with a geography lesson:
Ok, He's joking, probably. But then we jump headlong into the toilet metaphors:
"Perhaps I should first point out that Mexico is a sovereign nation located just south of the United States."
"Granted, Iraq, the overall war on terror, relations with the Middle East and recent efforts to find a plunger big enough to unclog America's economic crapper have left little time for us to focus on all our neighbors to the south."
"A failure to allocate significant resources and attention to our relationships with the countries of Latin America has now left us with a big, nasty looking bite mark on our collective American butt."Holy Mary, he thinks he is being "hip," somehow. He goes on...
"During the past many years, as we repeatedly forgot to invite our Latin American neighbors for parties and sleepovers, they got tired of being ignored and decided 'OMG, the U.S. is like, so lame, and like, I really need new friends.'"Oh for crying out loud, he thinks he is being us, somehow. Only he's not funny. Do we sound like this? He just keeps going...
"By the way, I can obviously not take credit for the domino theory ... those of you old enough will recall that the term was coined during the last Cold War ...I wanted to point that out lest today's youth blame a pizza chain for the fall of democracy."Aaaaarrgh YOU ARE HURTING MY BRAIN PLEASE STOP! NO!! HE KEEPS TALKING...
"For those of you not familiar with think-tank talk, 'basic ways' is code for 'they don't like us anymore and they think Russia's really hot.'
"Joint maneuvers are to alliances what play dates are to toddlers... lots of fun, some yummy snacks and then both sides go home for a nap."
"At the end of the day, it's like any long-distance friendship: It takes work to ensure the bonds remain strong. Otherwise you're in danger of drifting apart and finding yourself replaced by somebody new."Oooooooow...It hurts...It hurts...Dear God make the hurt stop...
Comments (1)
Only at FUX Snooze could you get such dumbassery, such douchebaggery, such idiotesquery, such...such...such...SNOOZING FUCKERY.
Seriously. They think this was just a backlash against Washington for ignoring Latin America? Oh, lordy. Latin America would throw up its collective hands and yell "Thank you, Jesús!" if only Washington WOULD ignore it. It would be a welcome change over all those coup plots the CIA, USAID and the NED keep insisting on sponsoring.
Posted by QueenBina
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September 24, 2008 10:30 PM
Posted on September 24, 2008 22:30