By Revolter
Meet Maria Telpuk. This classy lady was the Argentine customs officer who discovered $800,000 in the suitcase of Guido Antonini Wilson last August, setting the whole Valijagate story in motion. If you need a refresher on the case, here's an overview. Or if you just want to stick around for the dirty pictures that's cool too.
Anyway with the arrest of Franklin Duran & Co. in Miami last winter, Telpuk became a minor celeb in Argentina. She changed her name to Lorena, invested in some new boobs, and set out to make her dreams come true. After a photo shoot for Playboy, Telpuk trained to compete for a slot in the hit Argentine teevee program "Skating for a Dream"--sort of a Dancing With the Stars on ice thingy--before producers mysteriously pulled her off the show. Undaunted, she went on to mark the opening of the trial with another nudie spread in second-rate Argentine beaver mag Premium. Wait, this is why she didn't just split the money with Antonini?
For his part, Antonini figures to be a star witness at the trial, and Duran's lawyer is trying to figure out exactly what the US government promised him in exchange for secretly recording his friends and business partners. When El Gordo began wearing an FBI wire, he already had an Interpol warrant issued for his arrest. The defense wants to know why the US didn't just extradite him to Argentina, since the only alleged crime committed at the time had occurred back at the Buenos Aires airport. So far the prosecution has played coy, and the court has sided with them on key motions that delve into the motivations to cooperate of both Antonini and Carlos Kauffman.
Kauffman, co-owner of Venoco with Duran, agreed to plead guilty and supply the allegations that anchor the prosecution's new legal strategy. That is, after the US government threatened to jail his wife for immigration fraud.
Anyway like you care. Did I mention we've got tons of naked pictures after the jump?
Ok here we go:
First of all here's the two different Playboy covers. For some reason the Venezuela version on the left has artfully airbrushed some hair over her left nipple. Sorta weird since they normally let just about anything on to magazine covers there. Anyway...
Oh God bless Playboy. They're so "arty." See here we learn thatMariaLorena really likes airplanes or once worked in an airport or something.
See it all started right here in this Buenos Aires cornfield or whatever when the plane came in.
And then it landed and I was all like "do you have anything to declare?" and they were like "no" and I was like "I don't believe you and stop looking at my boobs."
So then I took them into the back room where we keep the contraband.
And put it in this locker THE END.
Actual quote from Playboy: "But my mother always told me that I would be on la tele," said Telpuk, a nursery school teacher before joining the airport police. "What I feel now is that God remembered me."
"Some have vilified her as a mercenary fortune-seeker and CIA stooge. For a while, she had police protection. But Telpuk says she did it her way, choosing the honest path in a nation where police corruption is assumed."
"I arrived where I am just by being myself," she told Playboy. "I have to be proud of that."
Ha ha, yeah, I mean who wouldn't be. This shot and the next come from her less-classy but still honest, God-remembering skanked out shoot with Premium magazine.
Thanks Lorena. You're a national treasure.
Comments (7)
And don't be caught with your hand down your pants.
Posted by QueenBina
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September 10, 2008 11:56 AM
Posted on September 10, 2008 11:56
Of course, Brazil66. Everyone reads Playboy for the "captions." Just don't stare at them too long, is the point : )
Posted by TK
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September 9, 2008 10:29 PM
Posted on September 9, 2008 22:29
Damn, Borev! There you go again, feeding my «inner oink»!
Anyway, I loved the captions.
(Yeah, right, you're thinking... No, honest. I did.)
Anyway, what I want to know is how you can afford a boob job on a customs officer's salary in Argentina.
I've seen enough Les Luthiers skits to know that state workers in Argentina don't make squat. But I digress.
Posted by Brasil66
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September 9, 2008 8:18 PM
Posted on September 9, 2008 20:18
They've also got some suspicious lumps at the tops. Either that's some bad surgery, a too-big implant being stuffed in above the muscle, or...a secret smuggling compartment.
Posted by QueenBina
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September 8, 2008 10:37 PM
Posted on September 8, 2008 22:37
When one points east the other points west. Don't stare at them too long though. I think they've got a sinister agenda.
Posted by TK
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September 8, 2008 9:48 PM
Posted on September 8, 2008 21:48
BTW, she should have invested some of that dough in her face, too--it's rather plain.
Not that anyone is looking above her neck, mind you.
Posted by QueenBina
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September 8, 2008 9:36 PM
Posted on September 8, 2008 21:36
No, we can't tell they're fake. They don't lie down when she does, they're out of proportion with her frame, and there's a canyon between them so wide, you could drive a Hummer down it. What could possibly be unconvincing about that?
(Oh, only about the same amount as is unconvincing about Guido "Miami Vice Peddler" Antonini Wilson. I.e., EVERYTHING.)
Posted by QueenBina
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September 8, 2008 9:22 PM
Posted on September 8, 2008 21:22