God bless you Condoleezza, we finally learned how to spell your retarded name, and now you're gone. What's left to be said? Under your watch we became a nation that officially spies on citizens, detains without charges, sneers at the Geneva Conventions, ass-rapes Muslims, and urinates all over their holy books. And yet, through all of this, you've managed to publish country-by-country reports each year that judge the human rights practices of everybody else's country and still look fabulous in your CFM boots. You are one evil little multi-tasker.
This year's country reports (your last ever!) are finally out, and they are about as hilariously worthless as we've come to expect. We'll take a look at some your funnier Colombia vs. Venezuela findings, after the jump.
Can you spot how these two are different? If you said, "they both start out halfway sane until the part where some Venezuelan is worried Hugo Chavez is reading everybody's emails because the phone company is run by the government," you'd be right! You can just sort of imagine the State Department folks hearing this "concern" from some crazy source and being like, "yeah, awesome, put that shit in our stupid report."
You gotta love how the Colombians get the first say here. They "stated" they have zero political prisoners, because what else are they going to say, right? Except that by the standards of "human rights advocacy groups" they're actually holding THREE FUCKING THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SIX of the poor bastards.
On the other hand, nobody bothers to ask how many political prisoners Venezuela claims to hold, because you know what, they're going to say "zero" too, it's what people do. Anyway we'll just "estimate" that number at 12, because why not. Notice that in order to even make that number credible they have to tweak the definition of a political prisoner ("and detainees"?) from the way they define it in other countries. Lord, you just know that whatever "And Detainees" logarithm they use would boost Colombia's numbers to three zillion.
Whoa, let that sink in. Neither country had any "restrictions on academic freedom" except that in Colombia they'll kill you if you teach or think wrong. But other than that, it's cool. Note also that only Venezuela is listed as having no "reported" restrictions, because there like totally could have been, maybe, we just didn't find them.
Wow it must be so hard to be a trade unionist in Venezuela, with the election authorities always "hindering the ability of your affiliates to hold elections"! Meanwhile, and maybe this wasn't important enough to include in the report, but Colombia remains the most deadly country in the world for unions, with dozens of assassinations last year and thousands in the last couple of decades.
One. Hundred. Thirty. Three. Words escape.
Anyway there's tons more hilarity and awfulness, but we've already tremendously exceeded our attention span here (those Blingees don't just make themselves!) but by all means take a look at the reports for yourself (Venezuela/Colombia) and fill us in on other good stuff. It's why we have a comments section!
Comments (7)
The paras may be officially illegal, but that means nothing. Uribe knows how to make the most of unofficial ties, as his old friendship with Pablo Escobar makes clear. Whose pilot's licences did he rubber-stamp again, as governor of Antioquia?
Posted by QueenBina
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February 27, 2009 9:40 PM
Posted on February 27, 2009 21:40
@otto -- that she sure is.
Posted by Utpal
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February 27, 2009 8:57 PM
Posted on February 27, 2009 20:57
She's still a fox
(damn, said it again)
Posted by otto
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February 27, 2009 8:19 PM
Posted on February 27, 2009 20:19
New illegal group = paramilitary (far right deathsquads). Since they can't use the word "paramilitaries", they having been disbanded officially, this is the word they use.
Posted by Utpal
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February 27, 2009 8:11 PM
Posted on February 27, 2009 20:11
This paragraph is really devious. "Category-Colombia: Academic Freedom and Cultural Events." Notice how no number is given for FARC or ELN (leftist) killings of educators, but then "the Office of the Vice President" says 30 were killed by "various assailants." He does not say "FARC" or "ELN" killed 30 people, but the impression is left that they did. So, how many of the 30 were killed by these armed leftist groups?
The other, quite a bit more notorious, killers in Colombia are the rightwing paramilitary death squads with very close ties, very high up, in the government and military.
Here's the paragraph:
"New illegal groups and FARC and ELN guerrillas threatened, displaced and killed educators, and their families for political and financial reasons. According to the Vice President's Office, VARIOUS ASSAILANTS killed 30 educators during the last year. Threats and harassment caused many educators and students to adopt lower profiles and avoid discussing controversial issues."
Notice, also, the "threats and harassment" sentence. The rightwing death squads are notorious for threatening and killing political leftists (not guerrillas), leftist protestors (some killed last year, I believe, merely for holding signs--I think calling for peace in the civil war), union organizers, human rights workers and others. Amnesty International reported that 92% of the deaths of union organizers were the Colombian military and rightwing death squads, and only 2% the FARC. (I think it was an '07 report about the previous several years.)
So who REALLY killed these 30 educators?
Also, government authorities (Uribe, if I recall correctly) recently said basically that all leftists are guerrillas. He railed against intellectuals and others who want peace. You think that might give some rightwing death squadders ideas about offing mouthy leftist educators? And "threatening and harassing" them, so that they need to keep a low profile on controversial issues?
This paragraph is both devious and flatout WRONG.
And since when do you quote the VP of a country notorious for its government-connected death squads, on how many people were killed and by whom, without verifying those numbers, or consulting groups like Amnesty International? He's apt to say that 30 people were killed by "various assailants"--omitting who the "assailants" really were.
If AI's numbers on union organizer can be roughly applied to these educators' deaths, then it's probably something like 30 to 1, murders by rightwing death squads vs. FARC/ELN.
The paragraph says that, "New illegal groups and FARC and ELN guerrillas threatened, displaced and killed educators, and their families for political and financial reasons."
FARC/ELN murders could be 1 or 2, and this sentence would be true (if the ID of the perps is true), with 28 or 29 murders by rightwing death squads, which are not mentioned.
And what does Condi Rice or the Colombian government mean by "new illegal groups"? Is that a euphemism for the rightwing death squads? Or is it Uribe designating all leftist political groups, intellectuals, peace-lovers, human rights workers, voters, politicians, union organizers, and street protest sign holders, as guerrillas?
Posted by PeacePatriot
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February 27, 2009 5:11 PM
Posted on February 27, 2009 17:11
"No substantiated reports" never stopped the State Dept. from just making shit up, unfortunately.
Posted by QueenBina
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February 26, 2009 11:45 PM
Posted on February 26, 2009 23:45
She's a fox
(there, I've said it)
Posted by otto
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February 26, 2009 11:15 PM
Posted on February 26, 2009 23:15