BoRev.Net

By Revolter

>>> Mel Zelaya's in Washington DC to hash things over with Shrillary. What will they talk about more, her yet to be announced "military coup" decision or the excitement of having a soldier point a gun at you while waiting on a plane at a US military base?

>>> Mel speaks to the DC masses the day before. Will Lanny Davis show up to do his despicable song and dance? Stay tuned.

>>> Remember the savages rioting for their little "democracy" in Honduras? Turns out it's just a bunch of young intellectuals, women and hippies, yuck.

>>> Big-city newspaper lends op-ed column to anti-coup Honduran Congresswoman who urges more US action against Micheletti & Co. Maybe there is some hope left.

>>> LA Times also urges Obama to apply tougher sanctions and help get Mel reinstated. But only because that would be bad for Hugo Chavez. Whatever.

>>> Chavez' speech at the conclusion of the UNASUR summit. Ok, this one's more about Colombia. But it's worth it just for the choice words he has for Alvaro Uribe a few paragraphs down.

By Revolter

Dirty commie conspiracy theorist Oliver Stone has some new pinko propaganda out where he actually talks with left-wing Latin American strongmen like Lula da Silva, while trying to convince us American-Americans that even the injuns are "human beings" that have dreams and aspirations.

"I'm rooting for this Bolivarian movement," he says. "I'm rooting for their independence because I think that America has a new role to play in this world, and that's not of an oppressor, but that of a cooperative and, let's call it equal, partner."

OMG is that coup thing still going on in Honduras? I'd almost forgotten all about it until Mel Zelaya started going door to door in DC yesterday and woke me up from my nap. And I wasn't the only one, apparently. Exactly two months and six days after Honduran democracy was frog-marched out of Tegucigalpa (in its underwear!) the U.S. State Department has finally gotten around to revoking U.S. travel visas for certain members of the junta. And then there's this from State Dept. spokesman Ian Kelly:

"A presidential election is currently scheduled for November. That election must be undertaken in a free, fair and transparent manner. It must also be free of taint and open to all Hondurans to exercise their democratic franchise. At this moment, we would not be able to support the outcome of the scheduled elections."

Update: Better: "The U.S. government on Thursday formally cut off millions of dollars in assistance to Honduras because of the coup that occurred two months ago, and threatened to withhold recognition of the new president who emerges from elections scheduled in November."

Update II: But naturally the IMF is rushing to fill in the gap.

• Psycho killer/pig flu vector/Colombian President "Alvaro Uribe" is one step closer to an illegal third term in office, again.

• Santa Cruz Mayor Percy Fernandez wishes that journalists would just leave him alone, by dying.

• Strangely, this $5 billion wingnut lawsuit, designed to ""bring [Hugo Chavez] to justice in a Miami court for his crimes...and set an example for the Obama administration," has been dismissed.

• The House Foreign Affairs Committee Chair thinks we should officially declare the Honduran situation a coup d'état, because duh.

• Most of those charges of Anti-Semitism in Venezuela are pretty much just made up.

Are you celebrating world anti-Hugo Chavez day? No? OK I won't lie, you're not alone. Even after influential space robots like Facebook and Twitter spent all this time organizing important "online" marches, only a handful of people have bothered to turn up to these things in reality. But does this lack of interest concern event organizers? Probably No! The Associated Press reports:

Protest organizer Marcela Garzon in Colombia said she didn't care about the numbers. "The quantity doesn't interest us, but rather the quality," she said.

Hey guys, remember dictators? Well they're back...and better than ever! According to this handy new info-graphic article thingy from Time Magazine's John Otis, today's dictator is pretty much any old democratically-elected president who's been voted into office more than twice, like Franklin Roosevelt!

Another distinguishing characteristic of modern dictators is that they are "complex." Or, at least, that they're "dichotomous," which is sort of like complexity, for journalists! The point is that today's dictator has good parts and bad parts. Observe:

• Sure Alvaro Uribe may have waged a bloody campaign of terror against his nation's poor, illegally wiretapped every journalist and politician in the country, and collaborated extensively with drug dealers and death squads, but ON THE OTHER HAND private sector killings have gone down nationwide on his watch. See, complex! Also:

• Hugo Chavez has done a fine job bringing literacy and health care to his country's poorest citizens, but ON THE OTHER HAND he's been "widely accused of squandering the country's oil wealth," mostly on literacy and health care programs, for poor people!

Don't miss the full piece, where John Otis brings his special blend of logic, vocabulary and yes, "complexity" to other prominent dictators, including Mel Zelaya, Carlos Menem, and my pretend boyfriend, Rafael Correa! You'll never think of words the same way again.

The three things that real Americans hate most (Oliver Stone, Hugo Chavez, Europe) came together on a Venetian catwalk yesterday. Wingnut heads to explode in 3...2...1...

Update: Reuters likes the film! Time hates it! Oh look here's Connie Mack's review.

• Colombia's intelligence agency admits they've been running drugs, collaborating with death squads and pretty much validating every conspiracy theory you ever thought up about them.

• Here's a fun question: if this Uribe person is actually "winning" that war against insurgents, what's up with all those hundreds of thousands of refugees they keep churning out, hmm?

• Ecuador's government has been accused of CORRUPTION. By Chevron, so you know.

• Oliver Stone has an important question for the King of Spain: Why don't you shut up?

• Investigative blogger reveals my terrible secret at last: BOREV CONTROLS THE GOOGLEZ!!!

Some genius in Alvaro Uribe's tourism office was all, hey let's get the gringos to vacation here by showing them the "heart" of Colombia, exactly as it would look freshly ripped out of the ribcage of an 80 -foot campesino lured into the jungle with the promise of work. This is the creepiest ad campaign ever invented.

Update: the resistance is on.

Haha here is a screen capture from McClatchy reporter Tyler Bridges' blog today where he sort of gets everything wrong (the film festival was in Venice, dude, Brazil has an "l" in it, etc. etc.), this guy!

Of course none of this is as dumb this other thing he wrote last week. Remember how back in August there was a UNASUR meeting in which every country in South America joined Venezuela to gripe about the U.S. bases in Colombia? (Sure you do). Anyway all of this solidarity was a CRUSHING DEFEAT for Hugo Chavez somehow, proof that nobody "at home" likes him, and a humiliation that pushed the Venezuelan president into the arms of "autocratic allies" like Algeria, Iran and...um...Vienna, I guess? Who can keep these places straight?

So this insanely old New York City district attorney has been *very* worried about Venezuela and Iran and the fact that somebody told him once (anonymously) that these two countries may be conspiring together to BLOW UP THE WORLD, WITH NUKES! So he wrote up some deranged Op-Ed about this conversation he had once with "somebody" and tried to post it on RedState or The Free Republic or whatever but instead it got picked up by some crazier right wing website (the Wall Street Journal) and so now this concern, that Venezuela might actually be trying to blow up Earth, for Islam, is "mainstream," huzzah! Here is my favorite quote, which comes at the end:

"Evidence of the type of activity conducted inside the factories is limited. But we should be concerned."

Update 1: Whew, nobody buys this crap. Here The Nation actually refers to Morgenthau's column as "Black Propaganda."

Update 2: Jeez now this douche is going on Fox with that one guy, "Thor," from that fake human rights group. Haha this is a hilarious fringe fest.

Update 3: Oh right naturally this has become the basis of an editorial by the Washington Post. They are very upset that "Mr. Morgenthau's report was brushed off by the State Department, which is deeply invested in the Chávez-is-no-threat theory." WHY WON'T OBAMA KILL CHAVEZ, FOR PEACE?

Really, Drudge, "Reds"? (P.S. Russia stopped being Communist 20 whole years ago).

• The United Nations has finally identified a whole new category of victims of the never-ending Colombian madness. It's taken a couple generations b/c they're just chicks so whatever.

• The Venezuelan opposition has now officially received the backing of Colombian intelligence forces, according to Colombian intelligence forces.

• So is Miami Herald gasbag Andres Oppenheimer a liar...or a complete idiot?

• Norway's other peace institute predicts Alvaro Uribe's arch-enemy to be this year's Nobel winner!

• Robert Morgenthau got fisked, no lube.

I don't know if you people live in saner parts of the world, but in my hometown today, thousands of obese fucktards believe (among other things) that the Honduran coup is the model of what to do when "voting" doesn't go your way.

And maybe they're right! Would you trust liberal democracy to this doof, (after the jump)?

Well the competition was steep, but I think we've managed to nail down the A1 single most inexplicable sign at this weekend's teabagger convention yesterday in DC. Special BoRev wingnut correspondent "Revolter" actually went down to the National Mall, for some reason, and took this picture, so we are officially journalists now!

One Many more Pulitzer-worthy offerings, after the jump!

Update: Revolter has published a metric shit-ton more original pics below now too.

Who says there are no jobs in this terrible economy? If you are Colombian death squad leader willing to travel, Honduras has many exciting opportunities for you! News reports this week indicate that "Honduran business people" are hiring Colombian mercenaries at record rates to protect them from "urban gangs" (democracy activists, unions, etc.). But DON'T PANIC b/c junta leaders say it's all just rumors, maybe. Also:

Hernan Bermudez, Honduran ambassador to Colombia said that his country's armed forces have total control of the Honduran territory. He also said that the Honduran intelligence authorities do not report the presence of paramilitary in their country.

From the inbox (click to make it bigger):

Nothing says Happy Birthday like marching with the military who just overthrew your government! Are you as proud to be a Honduran who doesn't speak Spanish for some reason as I am? Honduras Needs You.

By Revolter

Hillary Clinton, you slay me. She's demanding "transparency" from Venezuela for its purchase of clearly defensive weapons, yet is ignoring South America's repeated requests for simple guarantees that no one will be bombed from the United States' 7 new military bases besides Colombian peasants. As this chart shows, if anyone has started an arms race in the region it was Plan Colombia, or Brazil, or hell, even Chile.

Yesterday's UNASUR talks were stalled, again, because of Colombo-American shadiness, and South America isn't alone in wondering "WTF?". 16 members of Congress have written Obama asking if there is any rationale behind his Latin America policy:

"In the recent summit of the Union of South American Nations, called expressly to address Colombia's military agreement with the United States, every other nation in the region except for Peru expressed serious concern about the terms of the agreement and the manner in which it was negotiated. This pact threatens to make your efforts to re-engage with our neighbors in the hemisphere on terms of mutual respect much more difficult."

Maybe Hillary & Co. are just waiting for the right time to reveal the details of their little agreement. Or maybe they also have absolutely no clue what their Latin American policy is.

Hat Tip: IKN for the rockin' graph.

Oh look: a high ranking U.S. drug official in Mexico also "served as a secret ally of traffickers while he was posted in Guadalajara." Specifically, Richard Padilla Cramer used his post to report DEA informants to big drug cartels, for cash! The druglords would use this information to kill said informants in gross and painful ways. This, of course, comes as a "Complete Shock" for anyone who hasn't noticed that every DEA agent in Latin America has done the same thing, for the same reason, forever.

Meanwhile this week State Department listed Venezuela and Bolivia among the top three worst drug offending countries in the world for not cooperating better with this same top-secret DEA drug-running thrill kill cartel, the end.

By Revolter

Geraldo Rivera is most famous for his hysterical "reporting" and for once getting his nose broken by neo-Nazis. Now he's written a book, The Great Progression, How Hispanics Will Lead America to a New Era of Prosperity, in which he interviews prominent latino scholars like J-Lo. Of course Fox News and some rando Hollywood blog think this also qualifies him to weigh in on political developments in Latin America. You see, Russian interference in Venezuela has Jerry all afeared, so he recently busted out his policy recommendations for Obama, most notably reviving the Monroe Doctrine, only this time, respectful like.

Until the Obama election, George Bush and the Republicans have essentially ceded Latin America to the radicals . . . as a result you get people like Morales in Bolivia, and particularly Chavez, and of course Castro in Cuba. And I believe that those despots can be challenged with, you know, a free market, free election, free democracy kind of argument, and with free trade, and with compassion and understanding, and respect, and mutual respect.

Not sure what the world's favorite half-Rican, half-Jew is talking about, perhaps he's been paying too close attention to Hillary Clinton. The rest of Geraldo's funny ramblings can be heard here.

By Revolter

Undefeated WBC lightweight champ (25-0, 25 knockouts!) and obvious Chavez-lover, Edwin "El Inca" Valero has been denied a work visa to enter the US. As a result, he will not be able to defend his crown in Nevada this November. Some boxing pundits insist it is because he received a DUI earlier this year in Texas. Which makes total sense for a sport that introduced the world to Mike Tyson. El Inca clearly believes there are other reasons why he is getting the Micheletti treatment.

"I have been a victim of discrimination by a situation that is clearly political,and we have been treated in a very unpleasant manner during this time."

It's not all bad news for Valero. He's gonna have to unleash his fury on the next poor sap before an adoring crowd in Caracas on December 12. Wonder who US officials will be rooting for.

By Revolter

• Brazil's Lula told everyone to calm the f down regarding the "arms race" in South America. And he stuck up for his boy too: "Venezuela is a country with huge amounts of oil and natural gas, and Chavez was the victim of a coup, so it's normal that he is getting prepared."

• The Chairman of the House Committee on Education and Labor doesn't think the Colombian FTA is a good idea, and not just because of its union leader dropout rate. Rep. George Miller (D-CA) has also heard about the whole drug running/ wiretapping M.O. of Alvaro Uribe's intelligence service, DAS.

• The Inter American Press Association (IAPA) is all up in a tizzy again about Chavez, Morales, etc. Shockingly, there was no emergency session regarding the pro-coup bullshit coming from Hondruan newspapers La Prensa and El Herldo (owned by the president of the IAPA international commission, Jorge Canahuati).

• Ecuador and Alvaro Uribe celebrate as the yanquis leave Manta foreva.

• "Anti-capitalist" banking policies have saved Brazil from the brunt of the financial crisis. The masters of the universe are about to take notes at the upcoming G20 Summit.

"Honduras is nice country! It is quiet country. Very very quiet. People must to understand how nice we are, quiet. Why do the people not understand? Your president, Mrs. Clinton, she make many applause for this guy, Mr. Zelaya, but this is not to be Venezuela. The dictator of Ecuador think we stupid, but we are not stupid. We are nice people. Rivers of blood? You no have proofs."

Hey look Honduran coup dictator/misunderstood sad sack Roberto Micheletti has given some crazy Faulkneresque "Exclusive Interview" with the Fox News cable network, just cold kickin' back in his Hawaiian shirt and showing off his command of, um, English? Greta van Susteren comes off looking like the smart one in these insane 30 minutes of teevee magic. Lanny Davis, you're fired, is the point.

In which The Guardian discovers that these things, "words" have whatsitcalled, "meanings," and that there is a relationship between the two. Live and learn!

"In a news story headed "Shadow of Megrahi hangs over Libya's mass celebration of Gaddafi's 40 years" (1 September, page 15) we remarked that Venezuela's President Hugo Chávez is a current contender for the "pariah" status Muammar Gaddafi held for so long. "Pariah" was the wrong word; we did not intend to suggest that other countries have broken diplomatic relations with Venezuela: we meant to convey that Venezuela's president is regarded by some as a controversial figure."

Holy Crapola! Zelaya has returned to Tegucigalpa.

Update 1: Telesur's got streaming video coverage if you habla the espanish.

Update 2: The defacto coup junta ex-"government" thing has been denying the return, but the U.S. has just confirmed the news, so they can suck it.

Update 3: Al Giordano is liveblogging, which is probably 20 times better than me doing it.

Update 4: The coup government still seems to be denying big Mel's big comeback.

Update 5: In case you were wondering what the crazies were thinking about all this: here (sample: "If Barry coordinated the transport of a criminal into Honduras, and is trying to overthrow a legitimate government, that would be grounds for impeachment").

Update 6: The OAS has had to release a statement basically telling the coup government not to kill the president.

Update 7: Haha Connie Mack's spray-tanned head just exploded.

Update 8: Hmm the coup government has officially stopped denying that Zelaya is in-country and instead has locked Honduras down in some nutty military curfew to "conserve calm." It's all very Baghdad '03.

Update 9: The State Department thinks Mel Zelaya's return will be a good time for "dialogue," because sure, whatever. THE PRESIDENT IS BACK.

Update 10: The NYT: "His return appeared to have caught the de facto government by surprise. Roberto Micheletti, who was appointed president by Congress, initially denied that Mr. Zelaya had returned, calling the reports 'media terrorism.'"

Update 11: The McClatchy take: blah blah "It's like some movie," "Chavez top ally," "chill b/c the junta won't hurt him," "Zelaya wants violence" drama drama CHAVEZ "this will disrupt elections" etc. Tyler Bridges = Connie Mack minus spellcheck.

Update 12: Oh look here's what some creepy American Investor, "Mitch" thinks about the Honduran sitch, courtesy of Fox News.

Update 13: The curfew has been extended another twenty-six hours. Mitch must have a COLOSSAL BONER right now.

Update 14: Naturally, Tuesday morning's Washington Post makes no mention of Zelaya's return, except in this Op-Ed by Lanny Davis "Roberto Micheletti" explaining that "the people of Honduras have moved on since the events of that day..." Haha he's so going to jail.

Well it's the fourth Tuesday of the month, time for the Associated Press do its goddamned job for a change. Props to some reporter we've never heard of (whose fake name is literally Spanish for "deutschmark,") for putting together this heelarious couplet, of irony:"

Coups do not allow freedom of assembly," [evil coup fucknut Roberto Micheletti] wrote in a column published Tuesday in the Washington Post. "They do not guarantee freedom of the press, much less a respect for human rights. In Honduras, these freedoms remain intact and vibrant."

Meanwhile Micheletti closed airports and borders, and baton-wielding police fired tear gas to chase thousands of demonstrators away from the embassy where Zelaya's supporters had gathered.

So things got medieval in Honduras today, as pretend coup president Roberto Micheletti decided to violently crack down on public demonstrations, place the entire country under house arrest, and cut off electricity, water & phone lines to the Brazilian embassy--an actual ACT OF WAR (maybe) designed to starve actual elected president, Mel Zelaya, and his family, to death. Fortunately the U.S. press corps was on hand to give us much needed insight and analysis into the fate of the long-suffering Honduran people. Actual headlines from today:

Wait the consulate? In Miami? Oh right, the Herald goes for the local angle again, b/c a dozen nutty Miami Cubans are the real story here. We get it! They still hate lefty governments after all these years. Seriously this has got to be some sort of Groundhog Day-style purgatory beat for Miami Herald whistleblowers.

Here go the once proud Christian Science Monitor, taking the Real Housewives of Caracas angle on the story. Rule #1 of Latin America coverage: it's always about Hugo Chavez.

Um, yeah. Too soon, Cigar Aficionado? Let 'em count the bodies first, pls.

Oh right some journalists are actually covering the sitch on the ground. The Real News has the best summary of the last few days in Honduras--the bumbling evil of the Micheletti regime and the bumbling...um just bumbling, of the United Nations. "Enjoy."

The "bloodless coup" has claimed its first victim (again!) as a Zelaya backer dies from, what's the word?, getting shot by the police. As Brazil railed against Micheletti's fake government at the U.N., Obama officials "accepted" their fake invitation to come (to see!) how quiet this country is.

Meanwhile the beatings will continue until morale dies from a single gunshot blast to the head. WHY DID MEL ZELAYA CAUSE ALL THIS VIOLENCE, by being elected?

P.S. Nobody panic! Coffee exports remain unaffected by the bloodshed.

EVERYBODY CALM DOWN. Despite important news updates from America's fat Cuban boyfriend (Perez Hilton), famous 70's boob-lady Jaclyn Smith did not die in Honduras this week.

While her former stunt double from like 30 years ago was shot in her home outside Tegucigalpa on Monday, she seems to be in stable condition. Repeat: NO CELEBRITIES have been hurt in the process of dismantling Honduras' democracy.

P.S. : From Reuters Blogger Dean Goodman: "Hilton, who once reported that Fidel Castro had died, took a lot of heat on Twitter, with the word 'douche' cropping up frequently."

Um, cancel your plans for tonight people, because "sources" indicate that whathisname, the President of Venezuela, will be on Larry fucking King's variety hour tonight. 9 p.m. Eastern. CNN. Can this possibly be true?

Update: Yep.

Have you been following this story about how Honduras's president, Mel Zelaya, is a crazy little pussyboy because of his INSANE COMPLAINT that opposition forces are torturing him with sound technology to force him and his family to flee the Brazilian embassy in Tegucigalpa? Haha, NUTZ, right?

Um... yeah. This story in famous technology magazine Wired this afternoon pretty much confirms that not only are opposition forces actually using sound-torture technology against him, but that U.S. police are also using it against protesters at the G-20 convention in Pittsburgh today. Basically the world is about as awful as you always secretly suspected. Happy Friday!

Update: The Inter-American Commission on Human Rights just put out a statement: "security forces of the de facto regime surrounded the Brazilian Embassy and threw unidentified toxic gases, causing intoxications, bleeding, vomiting and dizziness to the persons inside the diplomatic building." Jesus.

This would be one Mr. Hugo Chavez along with what appears to be what's left of Courtney Love's original face. Captions, perhaps?

(H/T: Gothamist)

World-famous Liberty-Dictator Roberto Micheletti took various measures to ensure the continued glory of Honduras over the weekend, mostly by:

1) Expelling OAS diplomats from the country,

2) Threatening to kick Brazil out, and,

3) Issuing a decree that will "suspend freedom of speech, ban protests and suspend media groups," for Freedom.

Happy two-month anniversary of the Honduran coup, everybody! Mean old dictator Roberto Micheletti gave himself a little birthday present this morning by, let's see, raiding the country's last remaining independent media outlets and shutting them down. U.S. officials joined in the festivities by blaming the democratically elected president for all the country's problems. And the Kansas City Star is giving the country a gift...of the most retarded advice ever:

Zelaya should relax and let the people decide this peacefully with tweets, blogs, picture uploads, and social network postings with nudges.

• Spanish Prime Minister Zapatero apparently tried (unsuccessfully!) to suppress this hilarious photo of his batcaver kids.

• Dear Lanny, You're an evil douche and we love you for it, but we've decided to go with a more competent P.R. firm. Signed, the coup plotters.

• Haha Alvaro Uribe can't even make a dumb speech at Harvard w/out getting his ass chewed.

• Just how insanely unpopular is Peru's wingnut president? Only about 11 percentage points less popular than Evo Morales is...in Santa Cruz.

• So the Obama official who's been making all the retarded comments about Honduras? Used to be the Reagan flack whose job was quote, "to put a positive spin on the extermination of a couple hundred thousand Guatemalan Indians."

"I'm tired of these lesbian nuns coming into this country."

In Afghanistan today a young girl was killed when the British government literally dropped a box of propaganda on her head.

"According to the BBC, the leaflet box was supposed to open in mid-air, spreading pro-coalition propaganda over rural Helmand province. But the container failed to break apart, landing on top of the girl, who died later in the hospital."

All this "closing down the librul media" and "shooting the poors" going on in Honduras is starting to sound miiighty enticing for a certain class of U.S. Americans.

Inevitably, some wingnut weblog posted a whole long masturbatory fantasy today about our very own 'merican military boys defending the crap out of our Constitution, mostly by putting Muslim usurper Barry NObama on a one-way flight back to Kenya, just like them beaners did down in Hon-doo-ras. It was a hit! But then they had to take it down because of the P.C. liberals in the secret service or whatever. WHERE IS MEL ZELAYA'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE?

Update: Christ even famously awful "suck on this" douchenozzle Tom Friedman thinks these people are terrifically nutz.