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December 2009 Archives

December 2, 2009

Brazil's Slavish Obsession With 'Democracy' Is Getting Old

brazilfoodflag.jpg Jesus, Brazil, what will it take to make you publicly recognize these fake Honduran elections presided over by a prestigious military junta? Lord knows the pretend voting process has already gotten the stamp of approval by the United States and, let's see, Israel for some reason (WTF?) so why can't you just abandon your fancy "democratic principles" and stop making Barak Obama look like a complete asshole over here, ok?

Fine, whatever. We'll just get the journalists to tell the American people that you've changed your position then, so suck it.

December 3, 2009

Titulares & Asininity

  • The Obama administration is super-duper pretend disappointed in the way things worked out for democracy over there in whatsitcalled, Honduras.
  • Basically Alvaro Uribe could ass-rape a toddler and win some State Department award for it
  • If all them fat lazy teevee-watching Americans weren't already so darned busy solving the problems in Afghanistan, they'd probably have more time to care about whatever it was that just happened in Hondurastan.
  • Na na na na. Na na na na: Tyler Bridges, Goodbye.

December 6, 2009

DO NOT Open a Package with One of These On It

Micheletti.Stamp.jpgBy Revolter

Now that the Honduran dictatorship is cemented *no thanks* to the US, it can extend its rotting hand into even the most boring state institutions:

The Honduran postal service has just issued commemorative coup stamps. Perfect for sending death threats or mail bombs to the members of the Coup Resistance on that little list the military is compiling.

'Sup, yo?

Fuck The Haters, Evo!
Election Day!:

"Preliminary results broadcast on three national television stations said Mr. Morales, 50, received about 63 percent of the vote, versus the estimated 23 percent secured by his leading rival, the former army captain Manfred Reyes Villa, and comfortably surpassing the 50 percent needed to avoid a runoff election."

December 7, 2009

Poll! Who Published The Weirdest Lie About The Bolivian Elections?


It's been a full 24 hours since Evo Morales won re-election to the Bolivian presidency in a crushing landslide vote praised by the U.S. state department as "peaceful and orderly." His popularity is a challenging concept for the media, obvs, because Evo is 1) critical of the United States and 2) socialist.

How, then, to explain this anomaly to the American people, when we all clearly remember that History Endedâ„¢ in 1989? Well, lie, of course. But whose lie is weirder? Meet your candidates:

The grammatically Dadaist editorial board at Diario las Americas, who use the word "dictatorship" interchangeably with "center-left":

There is justified concern among the democratic governments in the region and those who in these countries worry seriously about the cause of freedom because of this victory of Evo Morales that entrenches a dictatorship, although it be disguised as democracy.

Or! Iran-Contra douchebag Roger Noriega, who is VERY UPSET that Evo is stirring up race hatred by being brown and president at the same time, which is undemocratic:

Four years after Bolivian President Evo Morales was elected, the poor are poorer and that country's ethnic, social, and regional divisions are as pronounced and explosive as ever. Nevertheless, Morales has exploited these weaknesses to win a second term yesterday, in elections that may be remembered as the last stand for pluralistic democracy and the rule of law in Bolivia.

Or! "Former New York Times foreign correspondent" Joel Brinkley, who just cold makes up chilling shit about the Bolivian voting process:

Bolivia will hold national elections today, and the nation's leader, Evo Morales, Chavez's most eager pupil, has rigged it so he cannot lose. Across the nation, his enforcers will accompany voters into the voting booth to make sure they make the correct choices.

There is no "all of the above option" here people, so you will have to make a decision. Better make the right choice tho, or Joel Brinkley will shoot you!

December 8, 2009

Speaking of Rigged ...

Meanwhile back in Honduras, we learn that the coup government just sort of banked on the fact that the TV networks and the newspapers and the leaders of the free world simply wouldn't bother fact checking their phony turnout numbers. Safest bet ever, turns out! Crazy-making video below:

December 9, 2009

Miss Fat Gay Venezuela Contestants & Rory Carroll's Voice Demand Acceptance

missfatgayvenezuela.jpgThanks to EVERYBODY who sent this article about Miss Fat Gay Venezuela our way! You can stop now (please) because we have finally linked to it, hooray!

This is hands down the most moving, relevant story Rory Carroll has ever written. Remarkably, his own voiceover manages to be the gayest thing about the accompanying video.

All in all a courageous performance--one thousand Pulitzers!!!

December 10, 2009

New Honduran Gov't Moves Quickly To Stop Market Obstructionist Policies


After months of civil unrest and economic isolation, Honduras signaled its reemergence in the global marketplace this week by putting an end to at least one Zelaya-era big government regulator. Tegucigalpa's back, baby!

December 12, 2009

Colombians Hate Democracy (and Other Stories That Will Never Be Written From the 2009 Latinobarometro Survey)

ChavezPopularityDeclines.jpgEvery year, the venerable old Chilean polling firm Latinobarometro publishes the world's most comprehensive survey of Latin American perceptions, with a handy country-by-country breakdown. And every year, we take a look at what the data actually says about Venezuela and then have a good laugh over whatever retarded nugget of information the U.S. press glommed onto as this year's "angle"

This time around, though, we're taking a different tack. So go ahead and read this 115-page Spanish language behemoth yourself, OR click on the clicky and we'll break down the top five four headlines you won't see in the papers this year, after the jump!

Continue reading "Colombians Hate Democracy (and Other Stories That Will Never Be Written From the 2009 Latinobarometro Survey)" »

December 14, 2009

Titulares & Asininity

  • Hey Obama, that nice Nobel Peace Prize landmine lady would like you to stop killing the Honduran womenfolk now, you dick.
  • Basically the United States has been using military bases in Ecuador to wage war against the Ecuadorians, which is 1000% illegal.
  • Happy birthday to the BBC, whose flagship anti-Venezuela propaganda campaign turns ten this year!!!
  • Hmm perhaps this batshit crazy lady at the Wall Street Journal might even be a tad bit irresponsible, too.
  • Revealed! The sinister Venezuelan "scheme" to take over Europe

December 15, 2009

Arab With a Capitol "A" That Rhymes With "K" and that Stands for Khomeini

sikh.jpgArabs, Persians, they are basically the same, right (muzzies, terrorists, etc. etc)? Anyhow the Wall Street Journal has a v. important Op-Ed today about how the terrible Iranian mullahs have invaded Venezuela, using very sneaky tactics:

What do Fadi Kabboul, Aref Richany Jimenez, Radwan Sabbagh and Tarek Zaidan El Aissami Maddah have in common? The answer is that they are, respectively, executive director for planning of Venezuelan oil company PdVSA; the president of Venezuela's military-industrial complex; the president of a major state-owned mining concern; and, finally, the minister of interior. Latin Americans of Middle Eastern descent have long played prominent roles in national politics and business. But these are all fingertip positions in what gives the Iranian-Venezuelan relationship its worrying grip.
Wow, was your mind just blown? Iran is infiltrating the highest levels of the Venezuelan oil sector using...Christian immigrants from Lebanon! I don't mean to add fuel to the fire or anything, but I think I saw a Sikh cab driver in Caracas once too.

Confidential to Bret Stephens: Rule one about racial profiling is you have to get your races straight, ding dong.

December 16, 2009

Headline of the Day


The violent overthrow of democracy did not end violence, for some reason! Each new day is a revelation for retarded manchild Rory Carroll.

December 20, 2009

Fascist Irish Gun Chub Gets Probed, On The Telly

MichaelDwyer.JPGHey Remember Michael Dwyer, this sweaty, misunderstood Irish gun nut who ran off to Bolivia last year with his neo-fascist Hungarian boyfriend to free the country from its terrible electoral decisions, yet ended up tragically dead before his dream of a Croatian Homeland in the Andes could be realized?

Apparently his death remains "controversial" in some circles (Ireland), and now the Irish teevee Program "PrimeTime" has investigated, and it turns out he is pretty much the shitbag you thought he was, the end.

Titulares & Asininity

  • Colombia has announced plans to build a gynormous new military base on the Venezuelan border, which is terrific news for you war buffs.
  • Venezuela is really really really going to stop this crime problem now.
  • Brazil's president has taken this whole "good left" self-parody act to its logical conclusion, with his very own column in the Huffington Post!

December 22, 2009

Colombia Confounds Press Corps With Hee-Larious Seasonal Joke!

OhNoSanta!As you know, the Colombians recently struck a deal to turn their military bases over to U.S. control. This has been "very controversial" in the region, because of "history". Things got even more controversial-y this weekend when Colombia announced it would build a brand new military base right there on the Venezuelan border. And then holy crap when Venezuela sighted what appeared to be an unmanned spy plane entering its territory, well you can imagine.

When asked about that spy plane by the media, the Uribe administration deftly lightened the mood, with a delightful holiday-themed joke:

"Colombia doesn't have that capability," said [Defense Minister Gabriel] Silva. He quipped that perhaps "Venezuelan soldiers mistook Father Christmas' sleigh for a spy plane."
Hahaha! You see how that worked? He never answered the question, but it simply didn't matter anymore because he gave the reporters a good chuckle and a "hook" with which to file their stories! And the editors were happy because haha whatever, right? Newspaper people are basically Labrador retrievers.

New Lease On Life For Functionally Illiterate LatAm Correspondent Tyler Bridges

tylerluis.jpgIt's a Christmas miracle, everybody! Just weeks after his tragic layoff from the McClatchy newspaper chain, Latin America reporter Tyler Bridges has a new gig with the Washington Post's online PostGlobal thingy!!

When we last left our hero, he was busy constantly misspelling difficult faraway place-names like "Venice" and "Brazil." But he has now grown as a reporter, guys, and in his PostGlobal debut he only screws up real tough names like that of Brazil's president, Luiz InĂ¡cio Lula da Silva. In all fairness, this is a very difficult and foreign-sounding name!! Anyway congratulations, Tyler!

Update--A reader corrects us: "I think you have Global Post (which really is just a collaborative effort of freelance reporters) confused with Post Global, which is the WaPo/Newsweek site. I know, I don't know how anyone could ever confuse those two. Bridges could only wish he was affiliated with something like Post Global right now, I think." So there you go.

December 23, 2009

Fakey Honduran Elections Now Even Faker!

Back in late November, when the illegal Honduran coup regime held their pretend "election" thingy, nobody bought their shit, right? The whole entire world refused to recognize the result b/c duh it was all run by a massively oppressive police state and without any international observers. At the time, only the U.S. State Department spoke out in favor of the vote. Of course normally they wouldn't endorse such a sketchy-ass plebiscite, but this one was different, see, because of the participation. Specifically:

"Turnout appears to have exceeded that of the last presidential election. This shows that given the opportunity to express themselves, the Honduran people have viewed the election as an important part of the solution to the political crisis in their country."
Naturally this turnout was completely made up, based on some statement by a coup spokesman. At the time all the "alternative" new outlets (i.e. ones who check facts) noted how sketchy this all was, but the mainstream press just passed it on as fact because whatever, right?

Now, one month later, CNN reports that the voter turnout was only around 50%, "a figure much lower than the 61 percent officially estimated by the electoral tribunal on election day." Haha "much"!

So how could this have possibly happened? Basically it was all complex serious of events mainly involving "lying" and "nobody asking questions". Or as one anonymous "electoral consultant" puts it:

"They gave out those numbers without any substantive evidence...there was no substantive methodology behind their projections."
Duh. Anyway, journalism!

December 29, 2009

Argentina Stimulates Economy With Anti-IMF Christmas Board Game!

SmashTheState.jpg Shut up, ok, it's Christmas, and we've been "busy." Anyway we're coming out of hibernation because gay banking pamphlet The Financial Times published something funny yesterday! Apparently the board game Eternal Debt (tag line: "Can You Beat the IMF?") was a top Christmas seller in Argentina again this year.

The point of the game is to help your country survive by avoiding the world's largest predatory lender, only this is made difficult by the fact that the IMF is fucking everywhere, right? Sounds like fun! So just how big a seller is this hilarious game? Let's see how the FT puts it:

"Eternal Debt has remained a niche favourite among those who still blame the IMF for leading the country into a nearly $100bn default eight years ago."
In other words, everybody in the entire country has like two of these things. Eternal Debt equals Guitar Hero plus Minesweeper times Backgammon.

December 30, 2009

Titulares & Asininity

  • Wall Street Journal crazylady declares WAR, on PEACE, in Colombia.
  • Chaos, death, and military coups for Latin America: Newsweek has published its annual Christmas wish list!
  • Hey look it's a Colombia vs. Venezuela chess set! On the Uribe side, "the rooks are represented by U.S. government aircraft platforms," heh.
  • Venezuela's own Maestros del Joropo Oriental are nominated for Latin Album of the Year at the Independent Music Awards, and you can vote. Seriously are you going to let some fucking Texans win?

December 31, 2009

I Will Get You in 2010, Otto Rock

coca-colla.jpgOh look. It's "Coca Cola," from Bolivia. Only with an extra "l" and um maybe more real coca leaf then the regular/imperialist kind?

Sigh, who knows? I was going to investigate and write a really hilarious post about it all but then I realized that somebody already did. Thanks a lot, jerk. "Happy New Year" etc. etc.

About December 2009

This page contains all entries posted to BoRev.Net in December 2009. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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