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Manuel Zelaya Is The Most Protected Man in the Universe

bubbleboy.jpg Can you believe it? It's been three and half months, and Honduras' president remains holed up inside the Brazilian embassy in Tegucigalpa, but DON'T WORRY because he is being protected from all possible threats: real, potential, or Mickey Spillanesque.

As reporter Belen Fernandez reports, the Honduran military is not allowing ballpoint pens into the embassy, because "embassy guests might use them to harm each other." Also pillows were prohibited for months, to prevent guest-on-guest smothering. Guards stick their fingers into all food deliveries, just to be dicks safe, and new shoes remain prohibited on account of something that happened a hundred years ago (I skimmed that part).

Turns out there's all kinds of shit that can hurt a president! Fernandez provides a handy list of other potential safety hazards that have been denied entry:

"...blankets, toothbrushes, milk, razors, oranges, batteries, vitamins, medicines without a prescription, jackets, lotions, pants, tin foil, USB devices, peanuts, paper, chocolate, juice, canned soda, CDs, radios, New Year's cards for Zelaya [which were eventually let in with his daughter], cigarettes [which police are said to hawk to embassy guests at inflated prices], hair dryers, shampoo, socks, curtains, mattresses, sleeping bags, gum, alcohol, pastries, markers, pencil sharpeners, hats, staples, energy drinks, glass plates, metal spoons and forks, shoelaces, tamales, cell phone chargers, shaving cream, and the Bible."
At least they get cigarettes!


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Comments (19)

Utpal Author Profile Page:

This is weird shit. I can comment on this message, but not on the last (most recent) message.

Utpal Author Profile Page:

Why can't I leave messages anymore?

Alberto Nolia calls him "Teochorro", for pretty obvious reasons. When's the last time you saw an honest man resurrect his dead mother just long enough to put her name on a cheque to himself?

Utpal Author Profile Page:

On Theodore, watch this:


Particularly funny are the segments where he is an "expert economist" commentator on the now-defunct TV channel CMT, saying at the height of the oil boom that the economy is in an awful state and salaries are falling bla bla bla (Los Robertos say that was from 2007, I think it was more like 2006, which makes Theodore sillier).

J-Lo makes the so-called A-list look pretty D-rated, too.

Utpal, I'm sick of Venezuela.

Teodoro Petkoff has me questioning the term "former guerilla".
(No Theodore, Vo Nguyen Giap is not Vietnamese for 'The Gap' ...)

Yon Goicoechea has ruined student activism for me.
(Really Yon? A poster of Joseph McCarthy?!)

Maria Conchita Alonso has shattered my faith in celebrities.
(Okay, just my faith in the D-list...)

Now this hunger-strike has ruined my favourite spectator sport: Voluntary Emaciation
(I bet the Ralp Lauren model eats last...).


And speaking of weight loss...
Do your back a favour & never perform another sit-up:
Dr. Stuart McGill - University of Waterloo

Utpal Author Profile Page:

Where the f**k is Paul Escobar? Here's something for him:


(it's about the guy on hunger strike, some new, funny developments)

Utpal Author Profile Page:

Actually I meant to say, "that beats sex in the air" ... oops

If that's sex in the air, count me out for the Mile High Club. (shudder)

Utpal Author Profile Page:

Well, it's almost like having sex in the air.

El Cid Author Profile Page:

Well, I guess it's one step better than just blowing up the plane or shooting it down as it usually happens.

Utpal Author Profile Page:

The way Colombians seem to do these things is Hollywoodish. I mean, a machine gun assassination in the air? Whatever happened to the material author of the crime?

El Cid Author Profile Page:

Hey, whaddya know? Yet another former director of Colombia's state intelligence agency (DAS) is arrested for collaboration with narco-traffickers and narco-paramilitaries, this 20 years ago, perhaps even in assassinating a presidential candidate.

Ayer, el jefe de los procuradores judiciales, Gabriel Jaimes, le pidió formalmente a la Fiscalía que investigue al ex jefe de Inteligencia Alberto Romero y al detective Jaime Ernesto Gómez Muñoz por el magnicidio del ex jefe del M-19 y candidato presidencial Carlos Pizarro Leongómez.

Pizarro fue asesinado el jueves 26 de abril de 1990 en un vuelo comercial entre Bogotá y Barranquilla. El sicario, abatido por los escoltas también en pleno aire, utilizó una subametralladora que fue camuflada en el baño del avión.

En su revisión del expediente, la Procuraduría cuestiona cómo se burlaron los esquemas de seguridad, más aun si se tiene en cuenta que Pizarro fue el tercer candidato presidencial asesinado en poco más de medio año. En agosto de 1989 ocurrió el magnicidio de Luis Carlos Galán y en marzo del 90, el de Bernardo Jaramillo Ossa, candidato de la Unión Patriótica.

En el caso Galán, también por gestión de la Procuraduría, la Fiscalía ordenó la detención del general Miguel Maza Márquez, entonces director del DAS, como supuesto corresponsable del crimen...

...El Ministerio Público pide que Romero sea citado a declarar por sus supuestos contactos directos con Carlos Castaño desde finales de los 80. La relación habría sido tan estrecha que el funcionario, según el expediente, se encargó de recibir la información que entregaron después 'Los Pepes' (Perseguidos por Pablo Escobar, grupo del que formó parte el jefe paramilitar) para ubicar al capo.

This is all, of course, Hugo Chavez' fault, because, shut up.

Now, if only they'd issue one for Gorilletti.

After all, the generals were "just" following orders.

El Cid Author Profile Page:

Though Zelaya himself views it as a strategy to whitewash the coup itself, this continues:

“Estoy presentando requerimiento fiscal ante la Corte Suprema de Justicia y estoy solicitando se libre orden de captura contra los imputados, ya siendo habidos se les comuniquen los hechos que se le imputan, se reciba su declaración de imputados, se decrete su detención judicial, se señale la audiencia y obviamente procurando la audiencia inicial”, dijo escuetamente el fiscal Rubí.

La acusación es contra los señores Romeo Vásquez Velásquez, Venancio Cervantes Suazo, Carlos Antonio Cuéllar Castillo, Luis Javier Prince Suazo, Miguel Angel García Padget y Juan Pablo Rodríguez Rodríguez.

Estos hechos “se refieren a la expatriación del señor (Manuel) Zelaya y desde luego abuso de autoridad, eso es lo que puedo decir, el resto se va a decir en el juicio”, señaló el Fiscal General.

That's the entire Junta de Comandantes de FFAA de Honduras.

Is it real? Is it kabuki? Who can tell?

it seems that pies have no trouble getting in. Maybe they should put everything in pies...
or an arepa, never been to the 'nduras so i don't know what they wrap their shit in.

LOL, I'm glad someone besides me noticed how imbecilic Rory Carroll's use of the word "despite" is.

Bosque Author Profile Page:

That's a fairly reasonable list - in a narcissist fascist cognizant dissonance kinda way.

otto Author Profile Page:




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